A about 5 days ago I had some really strong shit, I'd never gotten high before that point even though I had smoked several times, this time was successful, the first time was great, but it was the next morning when I tried to smoke again. The walls turned to glass things turned to clay, people looked like dolls, I felt like I was trapped in my own mind, that whole day I had repeated anxiety attacks, I thought I was going to die, at that moment death sounded peaceful, it sounded good, all I wanted was for the constant terror to go away.

5 days later I still haven't fully recovered, but I can function, I still get the occasional bad anxiety, but the derealization is minimal, it's down to things just feeling foggy.

One thing I've noticed is that if I'm with a group of people and we are laughing and having a good time, I feel good, and the derealization almost feels like a good thing, but then as soon as I am alone or I withdraw and stop talking to people it feels negative again.

Looking back on it more and more I realize I've had social anxiety for the past few years, I thought it had been a side effect of my depression, and didn't realize the depression was actually a side effect of my social anxiety.

Anyway, has anyone been through anything similar? That might have some advice to offer on the social anxiety/general situation?

Also, while I am talking about it, I might as well mention I've pretty much been a manipulative leech since I was born, I was a pathological liar til about 12, as a result I'm very good at "getting into things" like acting, but as a result of lying all the time I also learned how to manipulate people, hell, I only even cleaned my room once in my life, any other times I would manipulate my sisters into doing it.

As a result of that though I've never been able to do anything for myself, which attributes to the depression, I've been homeschooled all my life but the disadvantage to that is that like I said, I always have manipulated people around me to get my own way, so if I didn't want to do school, I'd find a way to worm myself out of doing it.

Anyway, I'm 17 now, going to be 18 in December, this whole experience has given me far more of a desire to sort my shit out, get rid of my anxiety and depression, stop my no-motivation-leech lifestyle. And just to actually feel some kind of actual happiness for the first time in about 6 years.

I'm not sure how much of what I said would be appropriate for this forum and what wouldn't but any advice I can get right now is welcomed.

Also, I don't have money for any kind of like, psychologist, If I did I'd have done that by now.

Don't forget to breathe!! Its the cause of your problems.Take 10 deep breaths and you could face a mountain and move it!!

hey zeph,

it's not unusual to have a freakout when you try pot for the first few times but it is NOT normal to have a freakout that lasts for five days

my personal opinion:
pot makes you think a lot, and creates associations between disparate things and events that you usually would not observe when straight...this can be fun if you're in a good frame of mind, in a safe familiar setting, with good friends...OR this can be a nightmare (especially for an inexperienced user) if you're in a bad frame of mind, in an unfamiliar setting (even slightly), with people that you do not trust

your description of yourself as a manipulative pathological liar is probably an exaggeration but it suggests that you are not comfortable with your personal identity (self esteem issues?) which leads to a lack of trust in people...this might be unusual for a 45 year old bank executive, but it's closer to normal for a teenager or charlie sheen...don't be too hard on yourself, mkay? my point is that you were not in the right situation or frame of mind to fully enjoy cannabis

at your young age (sorry) with those issues, and lack of social institutional experience, perhaps cannabis is not a good fit for you right now...it may be causing you to make invalid associations about yourself and others that in turn causes depersonalization and derealization...i can tell from your writing that you are an intelligent, introspective person with a lot of potential

my recommendations:
i don't think cannabis causes anxiety disorders, but i do believe that cannabis can trigger anxiety in people who are prone to such conditions...**IF** (big IF) you continue to experience anxiety attacks, there are many good books out there to help you navigate through treatment options, including treating yourself without the use of pharmaceuticals...one talk therapy technique that has been very successful in treating anxiety problems is cognitive behavioural therapy (sometimes referred to as rational emotive therapy)...google "anxiety + CBT" for some information

i can tell from your post that you are an intelligent, introspective person with a lot of potential...you should refrain from regular use of cannabis - at least until you get your issues sorted out, your education completed, a couple of solid girlfriends in your relationship history, and some career goals...all of those things are extremely difficult to manage when you are operating under random panic attacks, glass walls, clay objects, and doll people...*maybe* you could smoke pot everyday until you get the anxiety response under control, but pot is supposed to be fun, so why would you want to go through all of that just to have a new way to burn through your disposable income, at the risk of having an anxiety monkey on your back for a decade?

i didn't smoke pot until i graduated from university...i think it was a good idea for me to wait until i got my shit together, and learned how to work/live with others, and deal with life's disappointments...now that i got that stuff worked out, there is plenty of room in my life for cannabis and licking the goo off the bottom of the cheez whiz lid at 2:00 in the morning

there's my two cents, bud...hope i didn't step on any of your toes while i was putting my other foot in my mouth

Cheez Whiz rulez!

But seriously, I think you should just not smoke pot for awhile Zephar. If smoking pot doesn't make you feel good, then you shouldn't do it, plain and simple. I think you should also examine your manipulative attitude. The fact that you can openly admit to yourself that you are that way is an amazing achievement. I know plenty of manipulative people who just operate that way subconsciously and think nothing of it, they tend to be quite narcissistic people. They rely on everyone else to take care of them. It's like the guy who dates the fat chick that he cheats on all the time, just because he knows she won't throw him out on the street, so she works and pays the rent while he doesn't do shit all day but chase other pussy. I don't know, I've met a lot of leeches in my life I guess. I know this one guy that is 29 and stands on the side of the road with a sign, begging for spare change, because he just doesn't want to work. It is absolutely ridiculous. There is no reason he can't have a real job. Hell, he could be doing the exact same thing, but holding and advertisement for some store instead of just begging, lol. Don't be that guy Zephar, no one likes that guy, except people that are too dumb to realize they are being taken for a fool, and you don't need to surround yourself with idiots just because they will serve your interests. See what I'm sayin.

Keep your head up Zephar. Don't smoke pot if it doesn't make you feel good. Go get some education! I think going to college, being in that social environment, will be good experience for you. Sign up for some general classes, just part time if you aren't totally gung ho on college yet, just to go there and try it. You won't learn much about social interaction if you aren't exposed to it at all.

I just happened to think about the darker side of manipulative people that I have encountered in my adventures. There was this guy who was a total druggy, smoking oxycontin pills and crazy shit like that, who started dating this chick. They 'fell in love'. Didn't take long for it to get verbally abusive, then emotionally abusive. She wanted to dump his ass but when she tried to leave he would binge and threaten suicide to manipulate her emotions. Common story it seems. It was a really shitty situation. Obviously theres a huge difference between that and manipulating your sisters to clean your room, but you get what I'm trying to convey I hope. Don't let yourself turn into THAT guy Zephar.

hey zephar i had a exsperience where i was a everyday smoker up to 4 grams a day and for some reason same dope i was smoking all that week i lit a joint up and started to not be able to process numbers was playing cards at the time couldnt add em together etc then heart racing left for the hospital had to call a ambulance i figured was having a heart attack or something once the ambulance arrived they thought it was a heart attack rushed to the hospital spent 3 days on heart monitors and 3 days of what felt like heart attack a mild one then they come to the terms that i had anxiety and massive panic attacks this was when i was 17 years old i had to quit smoking drinking ciggs going out anywhere spent day and night in panic and anixety for approx a year and somewhat then after about a year and a half i started to drink occasionally then slowly picked up drinkin then was drunk one night decided to have a toke then no panic so next mornin remembered i had toked n thought it was ok to start back up then started smoking heavy again and to this day still suffer from anixety i learned to cope with the panic attacks just ignore them and they go away count backwards in your head lean foward n put ur head down a bit n just take deep breaths ull be a1 if you find your still suffering from them or if u start to suffer from them even tho ur not smoking then maybe see ur doctor and exsplain ur situation to him i also wanna add i belive that it wasnt just the MJ joint that caused all this i was also into doing other drugs on the weekends at the time and had been to the hospital 3x before that because of overdoses so that is the probable cause for the reasons for this but just figured might help ya out dont bother with any other drugs but MJ tried alot of them and none of them compare the rest of the crap just kills ya so from that i guess good luck man hope it all works out

Sometimes sativa dominate strains will cause anxiety in some folks.

Wow,, what an effect to the body.. Can't imagine myself with that health.. Some people try to solve their anxiety thru smoking and drinking beverage..Anxiety is some what a fear to a certain thing.

Anxieties are the most typical kinds of mental stress. Anxiety and emotions of stress tend to be symptoms, a result in order to pressure the greater intolerable or continual pressure, the even worse the anxiety

mild anxeity and paranoia are noted side effects. If people have anxeity-paranoia issues, it will either help them a lot or make it worse. Generally, if a person builds it up in his body for a few days, these side effects go away.

What you describe is not common. So I would use caution when smoking in the future. Try to stay in controlled environments where you won't cause any trouble if you flip out, you know, stay at home or share with your friends.


Anxeity and depression are like a pendulum. Depression is generally brought by reflecting on past events, while anxeity is brought on by future events, and the lack of control of these future events.

What changes are coming in your life? You're turning 18, are you getting ready for college or moving out or anything like that? If there's anticipated changes coming your way, that could be a trigger for anxeity. The best thing to do is to search out all of the unknowns and make them known. Just stop, feel your feet solid on the ground, breathe, feel the air going through your throat and filling your lungs. Know that you are in control. And all the unknowns about the anticipated changes, search them out and make them known.

-another method is to find someone dealing with a similar problem or change, and help them work out their problem; in doing so, you exercise how to work out your own changes.



And of course, I would tell you to get your moral advice from Jesus. Read the Proverbs for general wisdom, and the teachings of Jesus for learning to live a life of love. You will also find redemption, forgiveness of sin, and justification of your life, all kinds of good spiritual things. Not every Christianis an example, but jesus has changed many lives for the better over the years. You could be one of them.